I never fully understood how being a new parent would make me feel. Sure, I read books and blog articles. I heard endless diatribes and rhapsodies from friends and coworkers. Even with all of the preparation I could manage, I never fully understood the wild-eyed and bone-deep exhaustion, or how my emotions would be turned up to eleven (I cry at pretty much everything now). I was a naive babe stumbling into the unknown of The New Parent Club.
The New Parent Club meets at 4 in the morning, separately, in our own homes. We sometimes convene while queuing at that one Starbucks with the drive-thru, at frantic trips to the pediatrician, or desperate stroller-walks around the neighborhood. If we’re lucky, we get out of the house for some alone-time and we can be found in the Returns line at Target. We have full bladders, coffee that’s gone cold, and Resting Anxiety Face.
Joining the new parent club means that indulging in basic necessities like showering, sleeping, and eating are put on the back burner. Being a new parent means not getting invited out anymore (at least not anywhere after 5 pm). My hair is greasy, my face unwashed, and I smell like milk all the time. I never understood true loneliness until early morning feeding sessions became the norm. But every time I feel overwhelmed, I look down at my daughter through tired eyes and take a moment.
I never understood the fierce love and protectiveness from the responsibility of being in charge of a human life. One look at her little face, her round belly, and her pudgy feet, and I am amazed that my body could create something so perfect and pure. She is smart, forever curious, and eager to learn new skills. She is a part of me living outside my body.
Joining the new parent club means your little one picks you out of a roomful of people… for help, emotional support, and encouragement. Your arms are the coziest, your voice the most soothing, and you spur the brightest smiles and loudest giggles. Seeing their little face light up, or their chubby hands reach for you is one of the best feelings ever. So yeah, joining the New Parent Club is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it’s so worth it.
My Darling Evergreen 